chaosbean's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LL Cool J what? I bought the new LL album a while ago (you know the day it came out like I was some kind of BSB fan reaching for an import... not really but i did go that day) I love LL, I know that he is the greatest of all time. the new album is not the greatest of all time. its actually a little disappointing. Its an okay album, but it does not Compare at all to Mr. Smith, the GOAT... and conceptually the album is there, but its loose...like he wasn't done with it, or he was trying to just get the 10th album out there. Who knows...I'd like to ask him. Out of respect. its better then any Mace, P.Diddy, Em, Jay Z album...but it better not be the last LL album cause its weak compared to the other 9. but damn his ABs are stellar. And Lollipop has a killer beat and After school is really funky...but, Niggy Nuts? What thats my story about LL... you should still buy the album cause its LL Now the Saliva album is great. If you like that kind of music there is no reason not to love the album. Another time though. I like the whole album, thats rare for me. 8:28 p.m. - Thursday, Dec. 05, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- excitement of an all nighter Wierd stuff in my life.... Oh yeah, nothing this week... Oh well stupid computer lab ruining my disk I need another allnighter tonight, excitement I work better in the middle of the night 11:18 p.m. - Wednesday, Dec. 04, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- who reads this? Hey kids whats up? Not much here but I wanted to say something. So at least I feel accomplished... WHO READS THIS? 11:38 a.m. - Wednesday, Dec. 04, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- skin like a mink, no I meant soft, not furry I need some sleep but, whatever Someone told me I had "Manly rough hands" WTF WFT WTF WTF WTF (What The Fuck) to make this worse I am out of my body sloughing cream (its clinque, I recommend it... althought I am told that massive exfoliation does not count as wieghtloss no matter how many layers of skin you take off...) I don't have rough skin....but I have other exfoliators I used barefeet, Aveda Body Polish, Mary Kay Body Smoother, and a bath and body works salt scrub and something from amanda...I know I have soft hands...Clinque's is still the best, its got like chunks of grit, glass and sand to just take all the ick of ( and by ick I mean the first layer of skin...) my hands are soft like butter like babies like puppy fur like velour like pillows likemarshmellows like soft things unlike my heart ;) 5:18 a.m. - Tuesday, Dec. 03, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ugly This is all supposed to be pink...this SUCKS...if I wanted an ugly diary I would have done that...but no I gotta go get a stupid template that doesn't work 11:02 a.m. - Monday, Dec. 02, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- blah blah blah What is going on.... another SHITTY job interview... NO. I will not go. I will not do it. You can't make me. Anyone want sort mail? Cause I don't. blah blah blah blah my brother says funny things in his online diary.... http://spritopias.diaryland.com you never believe me that my family is nuts...read his page...they are 12:52 p.m. - Sunday, Dec. 01, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- so annoyed Dude I hate most music majors Holy Heaven do they annoy the ever loving spinach out of me... Was listening to Social D this morning. I listen to music every morning. Its like normal people having a cup of coffey. I need music to start my day. my so called punk rock music major neighbor (how antithetical is that...do I need to go further) instant messages me and we have the followinf converstation nameerasedtoprotecther (11:26 AM): you're playing crappy music... its funny ChaosBean (11:26 AM): I'm playing Social D ChaosBean (11:26 AM): its not crappy ChaosBean (11:26 AM): its seminal nameerasedtoprotecther (11:26 AM): it sounds country ChaosBean (11:27 AM): punk rock nameerasedtoprotecther11 (11:27 AM): ok Er ChaosBean (11:27 AM): its actually more a rockabilly feel nameerasedtoprotecther (11:31 AM): eminem? ChaosBean (11:31 AM): Eminem was last night nameerasedtoprotecther (11:31 AM): can i have choices? ChaosBean (11:31 AM): sure, ChaosBean (11:31 AM): Clash nameerasedtoprotecther (11:31 AM): salive ChaosBean (11:32 AM): Ramones ChaosBean (11:32 AM): or Social D nameerasedtoprotecther (11:32 AM): i pick saliva ChaosBean (11:32 AM): too early in the morning for saliva ChaosBean (11:32 AM): Saliva is up at Noon nameerasedtoprotecther(11:32 AM): haha nameerasedtoprotecther(11:32 AM): ok than nameerasedtoprotecther(11:32 AM): ramones please ChaosBean (11:33 AM): You really don't know... ChaosBean (11:33 AM): I want to put on a live Ramones for you....If I have it here nameerasedtoprotecther(11:34 AM): just change the cd Can I get a what the fuck? I mean seriously. I HATE HER MUSIC mainly cause its such a fake thing....its like a bad radio station that plays every one hit wonder "RapCore" band 24-7 mixed with enough pop to make anyone sick.... I mean Limp Bisquit, Korn, Staind, then Nirvana and Sublime, Led Zepplin, The Doors, 311, John Meyer, Good Charlotte, Saves the Day, and other bands...but don't forget the Britney, Justin and BSB, and all the Missy Elliot, Mariah Carrey...man I wish I could steal her play list and put it here...its redicoulous. And some of those bands are great I deny it not...but the mix just seems so phoney....like she is trying to impress people with her music selction...which she is not cause if she was a fan of any of those bands for real she would BUY THIER ALBUMS...there is not a single cd in her room...WTF seriously... I never say I am punk rock, never.... Not my thing but don't say you are punk rock if you don't know the Ramones and Social D.... its like not knowing 98 degrees and being into boy bands, its just not right.... And I never complain about her music...although I often want to... Music Majors should appreciate all kinds of music...its rediculous to think that only music that gets radio play is good 12:17 p.m. - Sunday, Dec. 01, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- can't sleep again. Good Morning All Reflection time... I have trouble sleeping. I never know what it is but for some reason I'm just not able to sleep... dawns on me yesterday that perhaps I have trouble sleeping cause its that damn hot in my room....its like sleeping in a sauna...sure its allright for a little while but you can''t do it forever.... turned down the heat and slept like a champ... I like nice feet. I don't think feet are ugly in general, I think people take bad care of thier feet...and thats disgusting cause feet can be attractive...I DO NOT HAVE A FETISH, I just say this cause I heard someone talking shit about feet. 10:41 a.m. - Sunday, Dec. 01, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Elliot has A BIG MOUTH As if yesterday's entry wasn't enough all kinds of wrong. . . today, the day I rag on people who talked more shit then they should have in the interest of me....the rest has been moved...to those who read it...Big ups to your for being quick if you missed it...it was a good one 12:47 p.m. - Saturday, Nov. 30, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm Evil and over it Have I ever denied being Evil? I don't think so... Let me bust some evilness out for you...General thoughts of mine...Its not meant as a personal attack...SO DO NOT TAKE IT THAT WAY 1. Babies are born ugly...if you are lucky yours looks like an rat, if you are unlucky (and most of you will be) you have something that would make even ET shudder.... 2. I refuse to be nice to people cause they have handicaps...thats just as stupid as being nice to someone cause they are blond, or hot or rich...Nope, everyone gets treating equally bad. 3. If your roommate is a music major and claims to be into punk rock but doesn't know who the clash are, chances are that she can't sing and she isn't really into punk rock either. 4. Girls who claim to have been raped who haven't been need to die. 5. If you don't have an ED you need to stop pretending to, further quit trying to develop one... 6. Bigger doesn't mean better, if bigger includes sagging half way to your knees. 7. Look in the mirror if your FAT bulges out of your pockets the pants don't fit...Its not just unsightly, I know its damn uncomfortable 8. Your boyfriend/girlfriend isn't that cute, that funny, that special, that hot, that nice, that perfect, that wonderducky...DROP IT....shit if people liked them before hearing you go on about how perfect they are only makes you look like a freak who is trying to convince themselves of what they are saying. And WHEN you break up if we were friends with both of you we will want to be friends with the better of the two of you...so be careful (note some sarcasm here) 9. Unless your parents BEAT, SEXUALLY ASAULTED, or by legal definition VERBALLY ABUSED you, they aren't that bad...ask someone whose parents did (My parents were foster parents believe me your parents aren't that bad...) So drop the poor pathetic me my parents are horrible routine... 10. Most people are stupid. Doesn't mean I can't hate you for it more too come later, I'm sure 9:55 p.m. - Friday, Nov. 29, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- stupid dreams Wow, its already after 10....sucks Ever have dreams that shake you up? Like completely? See, I've been up since 8 but I keep thinking about the dream I had. There are many people in my past who I never think about anymore, so dreaming about someone so far in my past scares me. I would love to see this person again, but from afar I don't want to talk to them, I don't want them to see me, I just want to know they are okay. But all this is in light of the dream. Why can't I dream about people I want to see, people I want to pass time with, people I care about. Which makes me think that I must still "care" about this person. Funny thing, I didn't so much like this person. What the fuck. In the dream he held me until I fell asleep. When I woke up (in my dream) he was still there holding me. And we talked and shared secrets. And it was really cool, and special. And he made me laugh. And Jess, get this Gas STation Roses....I don't know what else is important. We were sleeping on a brown couch, a younger brother was there (neither of us have younger brothers in real life) and we were scared that someone would find us. (yea...even my dreams are paranoid) I felt really good in the dream. My hair was the same color of dark blonde as his was. He was wearing a white beater, I was wearing a white tank top, the whole thing was airy and light... He held me while I slept. Sad that I dream about sleep. So here is my interpretation, thanks in part to a book the K-dawg gave me, The gas station roses are a symbol of an outwardly wonderful occasion, cause as everyone knows gas station roses look good, but they smell funky. The dream is in the quickly coming future cause we discused my graduation, so sometime soon someone who reminds me of this guy who reminds me of my father in a lot of ways is going to come into my life. And its not going to be romantic but it will be comforting and comfortable. and since thats all the time I have right now you are gonna have to make your own interpretations...but you can send them my way. I gotta go. Have fun 10:24 a.m. - Monday, Nov. 25, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Evil??? Since when is being evil bad? I was told two things about my diary. well three, but the fact that i babble doesn't so much bother me. . .as jessie would say "Clearly, I'm over it" Which brings me to point 2, I use too many names in this...Well, I just want the clearest possible mindless prattling. :) and the third that some things I should keep to myself...Why? Not like I am sharing top secret information. Clearly, if you think anything on this is important you don't really know me. Clearly I don't have myself on shout... Oh well...keep reading 12:38 a.m. - Monday, Nov. 25, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- conceit and erin I had such a day yesterday. I was all sorts of conceited. I don't know perhaps conceited isn't the right word. I was looking at Barb's halloween pictures and every picture I was in, I was like "hmm, I'm the cutest one in this picture" Funny, I can't do halloween makeup, so I got some help...I look like a puppy in a football jersey...not so much what we were going for. I love pictures of me with really tall people...they are humorous....my head in the bottom of the picture, thiers up at the top...even if the other person isn't cute its okay cause the fact that my head is down by thier stomach is just too cute. We saw a 7ft tall dude in Mcdonalds a couple days ago. I definately wanted a picture with him...but figured that might be rude.... A little less surface now for a second there is this dude who always talks to me. And by always I mean he makes a point to come talk to me whenever we are in the same place, (cafeteria, library, gym, Oz, walmart and mchebes for example). On one hand its a nice, normal thing friends do. But, He's not a friend (and I say that cause friends don't stare at your breasts, and nonchalantly try and look down your shirt...not that I mind...hell I purchased the shirt, I know what it looks like...) He could be a friend, cause I want to say that he is a good guy but the rest of the story might not make him appear that way. Obviously I like this kid, I liked him from early on. We flirt lalalalalallalalala and then out of nowhere, 10 hours into the whole thing he bust out with "I have a girlfriend" A. What does your girlfriend have to do with me b. What the hell is wrong with you But this is okay with me, cause I am not so concerned with this kid. But then that was over a month and a half ago...if he is so concerned abuot his little girlfriend WHY does he come over to me and look at my breasts...Jesus Christ, I'm concieted and even I don't think they are that great... I mean if I did not reflect on it I would still be amused...My Breasts "lureing" men...WHAT....too funny. But seriously. I keep typing "He's a good guy" and I don't so much know if thats true, maybe he is...maybe he isnt. I would like to be friends with him though, hes good times. ARG...DB you said sooner then I think........I was hoping you were gonna show up and surprise me again :( Soon enough I guess. Travel Safe!!!!!!!! Shit, more surface for you. We went to the football game yesterday...MAD COld...I signed up for something just to get the free tshirt cause I was THAT cold. I am building a collection of long sleeve tshirts...they are mad comfy...Too bad I can't wear them right now. Everywhere I go statues crumble for me, I know how much you love me...Not really but once I got the everywhere I go part I had to finish it sorry. So everywhere I've been people keep telling me how great my hair looks and asking if I did it myself...Why yes, yes I did do it myself. It was easy, I don't have skill, it just isn't hard to do. Oh well, the blue is slowly washing out :( sad days...I'm glad it looked as good as people say it looks. Hell, Peter likes it... (like how people are on shout all over this) and thats good cause he has too look at it all class ;) I thought this entry was over so long ago. i guess its over now. Wait Officer Bobby knows Public Safety man from Mchebes....Are we surprised? Well, I wasn't who knows about the rest of the crackheads...Shit was funny. Why is everything amusing to me? Mindi and I laughed hysterically in class on thursday for a good 25 minutes....just laughed and laughed and laughed...there is nothing funny about Oedipus class. Fucking man who reads to us in russian. Fruit Two O...grape is MAD yummy...its splendarific...better then coke...and I like coke. 10:11 a.m. - Sunday, Nov. 24, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Frump who needs diapers Roommates who need diaper pads... What would you do if your roommate needed to have diaper pads on the bed because of excessive bleeding? Well if you were barb you would tell me and I would tell the world. Thats right we are putting Frumpy-Dumpy, the real fifth floor trash heap, on shout. I wasn't gonna say anything cause its mad wrong to make fun of people for shit they can't help..but then I decided she could so help it.... Ways Frumpy-Dumpy could deal with her excessive bleeding that requires diaper padding the bed because she already ruinned the mattress cause thats how much she bleeds. 1. Shove a cork in it. Tampax pearls work GREAT 2. See a doctor, all that blood loss can't be healthy 3. Don't be such a bitch and maybe we wouldn't laugh about it 4. Get on birth control, don't worry no one would ever think you were a slut 5. Talk to the fraggle's trash hep she might have solutions for it. SO Frumpy flipped out today and had her cousin come bitch barb out. picture it, Hofstra, november 23, 2002 we are in barbs room dorking out listening to madonna and playing monopoly. Blerta left her jacket on dumpy's bed, I being considerate hung mine on the back of the university provided chair. they were not wet or anything...just ours...so dumpy-frumpy comes back (odd cause she goes home for the weekends and doesn't have a vehicle neither does her mom, her dad left them presumably cause they are fucking BITCHS) so she asks barb to move them and we do....then as frumpy is leaving Jess comes in and sets her keys down on the desk and barb asks her to but them somewhere else cause Frumpy was visably upset at the thought of someones disease infested keys on her desk.....frumpster leaves 10 minutes later the door is unlock and in comes frumpsters adult cousin who kicks us out and then proceeds to bitch out barb...I didn't want to leave barb alone with the pyschos...saying shit like "thier coats are dirty you don't know where they have been in this day and age" and then some shit about the "butter theory" which I didn't get... thats okay cause once they left Erin, ol girl, makes calls public safety and makes barb fill out a report. Officer Bobby is 25, apparentally single and adorable, in case you were wondering. It took nearly an hour to fill out the report in which officer bobby has mad hit on...we told him about the diaper pad, made him look at the dust giants (yes normal people have dust bunnies...not the Frumpmiester those shits are too big to be bunnies....) We even made officer Bobby blush...talk about highlights. Poor guy should not have told us he was only 25.... Officer Bobby in all honesty is probably laughing his ass off telling the people at the HIC all about us, we mocked Joanne the he/she who is his boss, told him all kinds of horrible but true stories of the 20 year old who needs diaper pads, doesn't shower, wears sweatpants, wants to marry carson and whose only friends in the world are her mom and cousin...WHAT A COW SHE IS....he asks if we had a picture of her and since we didn't jessie decided to describer her as "Have you ever seen Julia Roberts?" Officer Bobby, the new subject of everyones fantasys (JK about the everyone) said yes and Jessie goes "She looks nothing like that" Needless to say it was fun...check back often on this one cause as soon as the kids read it we are updating it cause ?I know I left stuff off...like how Frumpy is a hobeast who pays people to let her give them blow jobs... 5:45 p.m. - Saturday, Nov. 23, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- free shit, an apology (yes I know what that means) My quarter life crisis is offically over. Its all over aside but the afterglow and what a afterglow it is.... Apparentally I giggle. Who knew? Blerta and I go out of our way to scare phil. It apparentally works. :) if he knew how much enjoyment I get out of him being scared to walk past us... Seriously now, not that I am not serious but if really was going to I would do it already. Someone left me a message saying that they always read my journal. It made me happy cause I don't always get to talk to everyone I want to nearly as frequentally as I'd like. Clearly this page is filled with bullshit and surface but I just am not the kind of person who is gonna put thier personals on shout.... great place to switch to an apology. Not that I am saying I am wrong, but I did go too far and this is where the apology belongs. Troy--Putting you up like that was far meaner then the sit-com drama necessitated. I have a friend at Utopia. Sad much. Clearly I go too often, clearly I never get my HU discount. Clearly I haven't bought much there ever, but still. The people who work there are soooo touch and go but some of them (Ben) are mad chill everytime. Sure he made fun on my friends for hooking up with midgets, but thats kinda why I told him about it. Sure he calls me Tito cause of my hat. (mommy mailed me a skullcap with flames...I love it...Ben thinks it makes me look like a boy named Tito) Speaking of SKullcaps, that brings me to the Cuevro Collection. I know I said I wasn't taking anymore freeshit, a while ago but its mad funny to think about all the free shit I get. Inventory 1 Cuervo Skullcap 2 Cuevro Chapsticks 1.5 Blackhaus Chapsticks ( i used them) 1 Jager Witches hat 50-100 Saliva stickers (Y'all thought he did not remember me...He did and mailed me stuffs) 1 Long sleeve cuervo Tshirt 1 triple x poster 1 Baily's Tshirt 30 Pens, Highlighters and pencils 1 Starbucks Tshirt 1 "Superheros drive this truck" poster 1 Glow in the dark Jager shirt 1 Captian Morgans b-ball hat 1 miniflashlight (thank you hot dude from plant) and a whole host of Grape Fruit Two O
Everyday is like christmas in my life....Free shit like water...saddly When am I gonna where or use this stuff after college? Who knows. The grape water is from Mindi and I definately love that shirt. THanks for getting me hooked. Chris is the source of the stickers, the school supplies are from new york candidates who assumed that I could even vote in this state (hahahahahaha free shit for me...) The starbucks shirt was from the Walk for Diabetes with the the notorios C.O.L.E.Y. where I conventially got some other freeshit too. And Rob saves me cool promotional shit from the bar, nice to know I don't have to be there to get the shit I want. However, please note Mchebes shirt was not on the list. Clearly back in my freshmen and sophomore years I was on SGA. Clearly that means that if you even REMEMBER me from one meeting I made an impression on you. The fact that a certain person who has some much other shit going on remembers someone from 3 years ago who didn't do much makes me think he has problems or he likes me, which is soooo the case.... But all kidding aside, this man with the too short for his own comfort piece has talked to me about it randomly in Penn, at the bar more then once and most recentally randomly on campus. wait I feel another moment of conceit....If you want to talk to me just do it, no need to have my metaphorically balls on constant bust....I am really that hard to talk to that you have to, that you would bring up the Greek Week that you got everything you wanted, all SGA could legally give? And to make it seem like it was my fault or something. Its adorable the attempt someone is making to be friendly I guess. I'm just floored that anyone remembers that one meeting and me (one of 30 people on SGA, undeniably the cutest one, but still one of 30 and believe me I didn't say much...) further he looks like he uses lots of drugs that kill memory. Clearly I know hes not gonna read this, still. Dan was the best SGA president. They are suffering now from a severe lack of Charismatic Leadership and Balls. I was glad to be a part of Dan's SGA. Wish I had been there longer. ANything else I need to say now? I don't so much think so. End of the semester and all the free food I can find has me going tailgating and too a football game. Jessie and I would like to remind everyone who is going to there OWN homes for thanksgiving that if the eats are good bring the leftovers. ;) On that note, everyone who invited me to their homes for thanksgiving thank you you very much, I appreciate your thoughtfulness 9:23 a.m. - Saturday, Nov. 23, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- off to see the wizzard.... Dude....I think I am having a quarter life crisis... I went to Oz, cause I remember OZ used to have this whole aura of mystery and coolness about it...It was an adult bar/club and you had to dress to impress and there were serious lines. Remember it was 21 for ladies 23 for guys? So I went with all these people I didn't really know and Justin and Mindi and it was a good time. We had passes so it was free. Mad fun people there, good crowd, but honestly it was a cross between FUN (the wannabe club), Mchebes (with worse music) and Monterays (Stairs in a bar? isn't that a liability). It was cool to go somewhere new, and chill and stuff. I didn't drink, but Mike/Terry Allen told me that is was rediculous, like 5 dollars for a beer. But it was a clean, well staffed place. And definately was interesting. I just wasn't feeling it tonight, so we should go sometime. cause it really could be fun. I don't know I must be sending out some wierd ass vibe (perhaps part of my quarter life change?) cause mad random people talk to me. Tonight's example, Justin and I are sitting in the trunk of the Jeep in the Mcdonalds parking lot and some dude come over and talk to us. They definately offered me thier mardi gras beads, and as you probably guessed I took them. :) Some girls were talking about me in the club's bathroom, was it wrong to laugh at them? Cause I did, it was so funny. "Thats the girl trying to steal petey, the one in the blue tank top..." First, me steal a guy? I don't compete...and Second a guy who lets people call him petey....thats too much. Too funny. I need to clean up, wake up jessie and then go to bed. Sorry its been so long. I have been doing a lot of homework and stuff. Mad happy as of late, hope all is well with everyone who sees this. Gunz- you I miss 4:15 a.m. - Friday, Nov. 22, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- troy Troy this is what it looks like when I am talking about you in my page. PLease note that it clearly says, TROY, not someone, not people but Troy. Everyone else, if i was talking about you it would say your name. or nickname 6:48 p.m. - Monday, Nov. 18, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm HIGH on me Okay so someone responded to my diary and they said something to the dirrect effect of "it makes you sad that other people have such little self esteem, but it make me sick that you think so highly of yourself" And I had to laugh...it still amuses me today. Who says that....I'd tell you who it was but I don't know...I am gonna bet it was one of the meijer 166 people. Don't watch last call with Carson Daly tonight, if you do watch remember you were warned. Saliva performed. I really like them, not sure why ;) But they are mad good live, a great show. And I like the new CD...and they are good to thier fans. I had a great time at both shows 1:51 p.m. - Friday, Nov. 15, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hofstra, Darlin, Hofstra wierd that I haven't heard back about grad school? I thought so... So I called. My teachers suck 2 still had not written my letters and HOFSTRA, DARLING HOFSTRA didn't send my transcript. fuckers Tom Waits makes me happy...hes so dark and mysterious...I'd like to be like him....in the way that he is totally his own person...completely not sold out (STILL) and he lives well...He loves his wife and they work together. He does his own thing, his last two albums (Alice and Blood Money) completey wierd and yet totally him and real. I can appreciate it. People who get him love him...other people don't know. And thats cool. I don't understand the lack of self confidense in some of you. And it hurts cause you don't know how great you are. 1:15 a.m. - 2002-11-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- gym I already am back for the gym...Was a great workout, especially for the first serious one in a while. Jess woke my ass up and her, blerta and I went to the gym. Sure, I am not an olympic athlete but I went and worked. Now, I have to shower, drink 8 things of water, talk to Dr. Wallace and go to class. Everything seems better when you start your day this early. Hell, I even ate breakfast (eggs are good for you damn it, don't tell me anything else....not like I eat them everyday. SEriously though gonna have to find something to eat for breakfast daily. ) Its funny ya know, how like you have to be in the right frame of mind for the gym thing to work out. Its nice cause I am at the right point and the girls are too, so its good. Another good thing is that we are at similar fitness levels so its not nearly as embarrassing. No one is really at the gym at 8 am, another very nice thing. Wierd how hot me and Jess were at the gym. ;) Some dude watched us the WHOLE time he was there. He was running laps and he tripped cause he was looking at us not where he was running. When we were downstairs he was watching over the rail (We made eye contact....He is a blusher) The albanian, bless her heart, is one of those wierd people (who'd have known) who do leg ligts and situps in the gym. Sorry, I mock everyone who does that. Generalized rant coming up...here it is...those people who are like I go to the gym everyday and think they are hot shit...Ask them what they do...then secretly laugh when they say sit ups, leg lifts, side bends and streching...WHO KNEW...Only skinny people can do that. If a fat person (aka me) did that at the gym everyone there would be like that ass needs to be running. And yet the rant part isn't even that....the rant is doing SITUPS isn't really working out, and its completely not doing aerobics and its entirely misleading to say "I go to the gym everyday" if all you are doing is situps and streching everyday. Spandex pants...spandex pants...I should get a pair cause apparentally thats alright. but its really not, if you have jiggely ass jello thighs, a cottage cheesey ass, knee fat, a beer/pregnancy belly, and/ or saddle bags like a Clydesdale DO NOT wear skin tight anything, especially spandex ,the least forgiving fabric. And we won't even go into the frontal view. And if you get a wedgie in spandexdo the world a favor and take care of it. Mad props to the girl who was wearing spandex pants, shorts and a tank top, I mean they were short little shorts but she looked SOOOOOOOOOOO much better then the cadre of people in saggy, baggy, bulgy, dimmply, roly-poly tight pants... Damn I am critical...worry not friends and foes I used the same criteria on myself. People always used to tell me people at the gym are more concerned with what they are doing not who else is there and what they are doing. I never believed that shit. Well, ladies and gents I use other people for my own enjoyment at the gym. Nothing is safe from the way people breath to their atomic wedgies...Of course we did have positive things to say, but they aren't funny... funny thing jess and I are walking a lap and we LAPPED a girl who was running...mad funny The gym was fun. But now I want to sleep and Igotta stay awake. I am gonna do some crunches and leg lifts ;) SO soon I am gonna go shower Again if you are offended IM me at ChaosBean...Of course I'll probably mock you too. that was this morningish...its now 2:25 remember this... Sunscreen Advice 1999.... read it sometime I meant that Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You were not as fat as you imagined. Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing every day that scares you. Sing. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself. Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements. Stretch. Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's. Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. But trust me on the sunscreen. 11:07 a.m. - 2002-11-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- men So for today what can we say... TONY KILLED RALPHIE.....WHAT THE SHIT? What happened to the manly men? The marlboro men. The alpha males. What happened to men being men? Seriously, Do not write me poetry. Don't be a wuss. How is a pansy mother fucker gonna take care of anyone, protect anyone, make anyone feel safe. Who wants a guy too ballless to have and maintain an opinion. As I said to Jessie today "Why is it we like the guy who buys gas station flowers better then the guy who buys florist roses. You know the gas station flowers smell like shit" I don't know. I know its old fashioned and shit, but the man is supposed to be the man and the woman the woman. Maybe I will continue to be opressed cause I favor some of the more traditional gender roles, if so then let it be. Maybe I watch too much Sopranos. I could be happy with a guy like that. A stand up, take charge kinda guy. If he wasn't a mobster, and a cheating SOB of course. Jessie and I talked... and agreed that there is Something Shady about a first date where the girl pays. Sorry, I'm not a golddigger, but at least they could have each payed for themselves...But whatever, possibly some girls like that. (Of course to them I say quit emasculinating the men damnit.) nothing worse then a guy who is weak willed, weak spirited, and not manly, weak in general. Grow some balls, get some testoterone and be a man, please. THis is not about anyone in particular but a generalized rant. but if you are offened or have questions IM me CHAOSBEAN 11:29 p.m. - 2002-11-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- h to the ? Ever think about being interested in someone? I think thats the best. When you don't know much of anything about a person and you are intrigued by what little you do know. All the possibility that lies in there. I mean it could be anyone male, female, old, young all thats there. I like getting to know people, its like a puzzle or something and you get to find out all about them. But seriously, that whole time when you want to get to know someone better is the best. Cause they could be anything, I mean anyone can be cool for 10 minutes or even a couple hours, but you can'tfake that shit forever and you get to see whats really there. And it could be anything they could turn out to be worsts biggest dork (but you'd probably figure that out quick) or the randomest, funnest person ever. I totally love that all the potential for anything. Logically speaking, of course, most of the time you are lucky if the person turns out to not be pyscho but its the sweeet anticpation and not knowing, cause of course I hope that someone is gonna be chill, but most people aren't. But every time you meet a new person its like a new game I work in like 20 minutes so thats all I am saying on that topic. 7:26 p.m. - 2002-11-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Darren SO today Had fun on the internet, didn't get shit done. Went to Utopia, yes I went there 2 times today...Arlines fault not mine. Shes a wimp. She was scared of the first guy, the one who is like the diety of piercers on long island. I would love to get something pierced, I'm not scared at all, but my parents would beat the ever loving crap out of me, and they are not violent, child abusers...still they would. Arline did get something done, she was a chickenshit at first, but she grew balls and used them. She was mad brave in the little room where they stick and poke you...want to hear something sad??? Yes...Good. So you know how DIRTY with a capital everything the people at Utopia are??? They clowned on Arline for being dirty. It was funny and she is no where near as dirty as they are. They clowned on me too, said I looked like Tito Ortez and mocked me for being mean and remembered me from the freshmen year piercing ordeals with my roommates and all (WHY does Ben remember me?and oh so fondly) I know that I am 22 and I should do what I want, but sorry, what I want includes not pissing my parents off. I just don't need that in my life. What else...OH yeah... Darren's Dance Grooves...DON'T BE FOOLED BY THE COMMERICAL its for professionals who know what lock step, puppet arms, kick out, hip throws, and square offs are...not to mention 80 kinds of kicks, pumps and jumps...Darren doesn't teach, he shows and like 82 dance moves per minute...lets just say it was funny. But I tryed, and I will try again. The freakin ad should say "Honky Sucka's need not buy" cause my neck doesn't roll, and my body doesn't wave and that thing they do with their arms, hello, I have bones in my arms to prevent that movement. My body will conform to my wishes, even if I have to spend the rest of my life watching Darren...It will. It won't be so pretty(its not even pretty when the professional dancers do it...What is it supposed to be like when my fat ass does it? ) Oh yeah, at least I have fun. I get annoyed too easily, like tonight I am annoyed cause someone stopped talking to me . . . . Like clearly I need to get over that . . . I computer retarded...I tryed to make it so that every entry showed, but I can't and it was a simple two step process of cutting and pasting, but I could not swing it. saw a shirt today...I want it...Only different...it says Bush 43 on it like a baseball jersey, and if you make it say Clinton 42, I will love it. Thanks Need to get something pierced take me with you to Euphoric Piercing, Ben is my buddy. :) So yeah, I'm still not making extreanous holes in my body 1:25 a.m. - 2002-11-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -I'm a pearl girl I am having a rough start to today as well. But I am confindant things will get better. :) Just cause I woke up rough means nothing. Listening to LL's X its not bad at all. Its like slow jams with a definate beat. Sorry Boys, this in an informational point you don't need...Girls, listen up... I never make recomendations about this kinda stuff cause its so personal, and everyone has their own issues, but I stand behind this recommendation for everyone . . . Tampax Pearl Plastic really are the best . . . . tampon better than OB(generally thought of as the best availible) with an applicator that makes playtex silk glide look like sandpaper. Of course I've only tryed it on the regular level. . . . . . 11:28 a.m. - 2002-11-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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